Starring Alexander, a Little Blue Penguin
The Little Blue Penguin is the smallest penguin in the
world. This particular Little Blue Penguin might be small, but he has the
biggest imagination ever.
***
Alexander was a veteran Monster
Hunter and Adventurer Extraordinaire, having spent years battling Orcs, hordes
of Zombies, evil wizards and races of evil underground civilizations. But every
so often, something truly unnerving would cross his path. This is such a tale.
One day, the great Hero Alexander
was travelling between the villages of his homeland of Iceburgia. Now, despite
being only a Little Blue Penguin, Alexander was very brave, very clever, and he
was very good at what he did. In his own homeland, where almost everyone knew
him, he did a LOT.
This particular occasion had our
Hero carrying a basket of goodies to the next town, to deliver to a friend of
his family. Despite it being a simple task, he had been accustomed to
unexpected attack, as adventurers often are. As a result, he always carried his
sword and shield with him. Now, the sword was balanced and functional, a gift
from a grateful blacksmith, and his shield was a keepsake from his days as a
Penguin Knight.
The actual journey to the next town
was fairly uneventful; no monsters to slay, no peasants to rescue, no evil
plots to foil. When he finally made it that evening, though, something strange
seemed to be happening. There were none of the townspenguins out and about; no
workers coming back home for the day, no children playing, and no roguish types
wandering down to the local watering hole for a pint of Kelp Ale and a game of
darts.
No, not a single penguin in town
dared show their faces that day. When Alexander made it to the house where he
was supposed to deliver the basket o’ goodies, the lady refused to answer the
door at first. “Shhh!” she whispered through the door, “Stop making so much
noise! The Baron will know where we are!”
“The Baron?” inquired the Little
Blue Penguin, “Has someone been scaring folks around here?”
“You’d better get inside quick.
I’ll need to show you something.”
So Alexander entered the humble dwelling and
set his basket of goodies next to the door. Inside the house were several
penguins, very few of which actually lived there, hiding out. He was pointed
toward one of them, sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth with his hands
over his beak. Alexander squatted next to him on the floor and asked, “What has
happened here?”
The penguin responded by moving his
hands away from his face, revealing one nostril to be much larger than the
other one. “He crammed his flipper WAY up my nose! All the time shrieking about
‘flipper in die nosen’! My beak won’t look right for days!”
“Ooh, that looks like it hurts…”
mumbled Alexander, “How many more of you are like this?”
About a third of the penguins in the
room raised a flipper, shocking the Little Blue Penguin. “So, tell me about
this Baron…”
From what he could piece together,
listening to the townspenguins in the room, the culprit was a newcomer to the
area, known as Baron Heinrich von Nosenflipper. He was a Royal Penguin from far
away, and had a strange, shrill accent to his voice. The Baron was spotted
wearing a monocle and top hat, opera cape, and lederhosen. No one sees him
until it’s too late, and the sound of his voice is unmistakable. And according
to the ones hiding out, he comes at night.
It was almost night, and the
villagers were in hiding. As long as he was here, The Hero Alexander would have
to try to take care of this little problem. He did not have to wait very long.
The Little Blue Penguin set up a
watch outside in the town square, under burning torches. To entice the Baron to
attack, he tried to make his beak look as big as possible. In less than an
hour, he heard odd, haunting laughter in the distance. It seemed to come from
all around him, growing louder each second.
“Ja, ist coming for you…”
Alexander drew his sword and got
his shield ready. It was go time.
“Ja, vat a suber NOSEN you have…”
In the gloom, Alexander could see
the outline of a large penguin in a top hat against the sparse torchlight. It
seemed to float, as if buoyant in the air, toward him. It moved slowly at
first, then with alarming speed. It was upon him, flipper at the front.
“Die flipper ist in der NOSEN! Ja! Ich
bin der Baron Heinrich von Nosenflipper! HAHAHAHA!”
The Little Blue Penguin’s nose was
saved by his shield, a sturdy device that held off the vile attacks of von
Nosenflipper. With a great shove, Alexander drove him back and got in a single
swing with his sword. He connected with a powerful hit, but was unable to cut
or damage. “What is this guy made of?” he thought to himself.
Baron Heinrich von Nosenflipper
began to laugh again, a syrupy, bubbly sound, and renewed his attack. Again,
Alexander repelled him, skillfully using his sword to parry and counter, and
his shield to block and push. Others had put up a fight before, but this Little
Blue one carrying the shield of a Penguin Knight seemed different. It didn’t
matter, though. He seemed unable to hurt the Baron, anyway.
But he could make it difficult. A
lucky swing caught one of the straps of his lederhosen, slicing it deftly
across. Nosenflipper stopped in shock, and glanced down at his torn clothing.
He really liked those lederhosen, and they were difficult to come by in this
part of the world. So, for the first time ever, Baron Heinrich von Nosenflipper
was forced to retreat. He flapped his
flippers mightily, and floated softly from the ground. He was outlined briefly
by the moon behind him, prominently featuring his top hat and opera cape
fluttering in the wind, and said, “I vill get you next time, little Knight. Und
then, I vill have mein flipper in der nosen!” The next moment, he was gone.
Alexander spent the rest of the
night sleeping in the relative safety of the town. The next morning, he
equipped himself and got ready for his next quest. “Ok,” said the Little Blue
Penguin to no one in particular, “I will be ready for the next time. If my sword
can’t harm you, then I will have to find one than can.”
-fin-
